My Life Story - Sandy (Part 3)

Through a person's life, he (or she, we can't be sexist here...) is inevitably going to come into contact with a number of other people. There's no getting around it. This is what I was actually contemplating during my train ride home (well, to my current home in Germany) from Amsterdam. Of course, the number of people that you interact with is completely based on how open you are to letting these interactions occur. This, unfortunately, depends on how willing you are to put yourself out there and deal with whatever consequences occur. I've noticed that different people handle this inevitability in different ways. There seem to be a lot of people that choose to hide their true selves behind a character that they "think" they should be representing. You know what I'm saying - they act like the person that, in their mind, would profit most from the current situation. They become somebody else depending on the situation.

Now, I've noticed this in pretty much all types of situations - family, friends, business, dating, etc... I suppose we all actually need to do this to some extent and perhaps the unconscious (well, usually conscious, but automatic) act of doing so is what makes civilized life possible. I mean if everybody just lived on impulses and behaved the way they wanted to without any moral or social controls with respect to the situation at hand, life sure would be more difficult. We'd basically revert back to what Hollywood has envisioned the time of the cavemen to be. It just seems to me that some people are much more ready to change themselves based on situation than others.

The reason that I mention this is because, to explain who I actually am, you need to understand the way I think. As far as this subject is concerned, I am not very good at this game. I am basically the same guy pretty much regardless of the situation. I cannot pretend to be something that I am not and actually refuse to do so. Whether I'm sitting in a business meeting, working with others to solve a technical issue, hanging out with old (or new) friends, at a family gathering or even just on my own; I pretty much am who I am.

Whether this is a good or bad thing, I really don't know. It's just the way I am. I mean sure, this has gotten me into trouble at times and perhaps it has even limited me to the number of successful interactions I've had; however, after living this way for 36 years so far, I really doubt that I'm going to change. I actually don't want to. Yeah, I would very much like to be better at the socializing scene, but at least this way I'm pretty much guaranteed that the people that I do meet are given the opportunity to decide whether they like the real me or not straight away rather than having to go through the process of deciding whether they like the character I'm portraying and then having to decide later on whether or not they still like the true me once the character is inevitably done away with. It also simplifies my life in that I am not forced to constantly be changing the way I act depending on who I happen to be interacting with.

Of course the downside to all this is that it most definitely limits the number of people that I do interact with. I suppose this could be explained by a somewhat low self esteem that I apparently have, but the up side is that when I do actually make a connection with another person it is usually pretty strong. If another decides that the person that they are currently dealing with is a person that they would enjoy dealing with more in the future, they are relieved the hassle of reassessing their decision at a later date. I mean sure, perhaps they haven't known me long enough to completely predict how I will behave in every situation, but at least my behavior stays constant in rather similar scenarios.

I know, "Blah blah blah..." Get to the point, man. I just wanted you to understand me a bit before I continued my story, which I will now do…

I said there were a couple of people that I needed to mention in my college years. The first one is Sandy. Sandy was one of those completely unplanned and unexpected, completely by chance interactions that make life enjoyable. You see, I didn't meet Sandy by seeing her standing at a bar or something and deciding that I just needed to bring this person into my life. No, far from it - I was actually sitting in my room in the frat house and had logged on to this multi-line bulletin board (or perhaps it was on IRC, I really don't remember...) when I saw this other user named Sandy (well, I don't actually remember if that was her username or not, but I was pretty sure that it was a female ... well, as sure as one can be with the anonymity of computer based communications back in the early 90's). I'm not sure how the chat got started, but I soon found out that this other person was also a student at WSU although she was currently at work in the middle of the night. I asked what kind of work she was doing and discovered that she worked for Ticketmaster as a computer operator. I found out that she was a CSC major and was doing the 'Night Run' shift at Ticketmaster to help pay for her schooling.

This seemed interesting to me and, being a college student myself, I inquired on whether or not they might be hiring any more people for that position. Heck, I figured it would be great to actually get myself a job and at least lessen the burden that I was still putting on my parents for my existence. It was about time that I started to at least attempt to become a somewhat self-sufficient human being. I was a bit surprised when Sandy actually said that she would do her best to see what she could do and we even set up a date (no, not a romantic date, just a date) to meet at the WSU campus Subway (the sub shop, WSU didn't have a mass transit system) and I could give her my resume. She said she would then forward this on to her boss and we could take it from there.

I arrived at the Subway a bit early (this is another one of the things that makes me me ... I hate being late for things and usually arrive early to scheduled meetings...) with one of my frat brothers (or it might have been Eric, I don't remember ... I had someone with me just in case - this I know...). We ordered a couple subs and sat down to eat and wait for this person that I had still never met. When Sandy entered the restaurant, I was stunned. I mean, I was expecting an Asian girl to be arriving at the pre-scheduled time, but what entered at the time we agreed was better than I could have ever dreamed. I mean Sandy was gorgeous! I'm not talking your typical "yeah, I'd like to hit that" gorgeous, I'm talking super model gorgeous here. I actually figured that this beauty that just walked in couldn't be the Sandy that I was supposed to be meeting; my luck just isn't that good. To my amazement, it was. She got herself a sub and joined us at our table.

Now here's the truly amazing part - not only was Sandy drop-dead gorgeous, she was also one of the nicest people I had ever met. At the time, however, I didn't actually believe any of this to be true. I kind of figured that, after actually meeting me and getting my resume, she would most likely just blow off the meeting and get back to her much more interesting life. I mean come on, this woman was way out of my league and I was sure that she was only going through the motions and meeting me since she agreed to do so during our chat. I was thinking that she was hoping to maybe get lucky in this meeting and that I would be this Goliath of a man that would perhaps be worthy of a woman like her. I was completely wrong on all accounts. Remember, of course, that I do seem to have a self esteem issue...

We ate our lunches and talked a bit and I gave Sandy my resume. As I mentioned, I thought that this was the end of this story; but a few days later Sandy actually called me and informed me that her boss was interested in giving me an interview for a computer operator’s job. Cool... I went to the interview, landed the job and began working at Ticketmaster as a computer operator. The job was just a job, nothing much to speak of there; but it did get me a little money. The best part about this, however, was that it gave me the opportunity to become a friend of Sandy's. I mean, I liked Sandy. I really liked Sandy.

Sandy and I became pretty close friends for the next few years. Unfortunately, we never went past that often times imprudently created line that separates friends from lovers; however I was not surprised by this. A bit dismayed, perhaps, but not surprised. In the end, what did it really matter? I mean I was just glad to have the opportunity to even have Sandy in my life. To her I was thought of like a brother. To me, Sandy was idealized as a goddess. The end result of all this was that we enjoyed some real good times together and I will always think back on that friendship as one of the best in my life.

In time, Sandy finished college (at least I'm pretty sure she did...) and the day came were she decided to move with her fiancé to Colorado. Oh well, Sandy was leaving. I remember the times we shared and am forever thankful for them, but she was moving on with her life and I was not about to even attempt to stop her. I wore black to work on the day that Sandy left...

It's funny how life works. Here I had been given the gift of knowing a wonderful person that actually made an impact into my soul, but that chapter of my life was now over. Or at least I honestly believed it was over. We would meet again and I'll get to that in one of my later blogs. For now, I am going to bid you adieu and spend the rest of the day doing whatever it is I will be doing today. I'm not really sure what I will be doing today as I didn't plan any trips for this weekend; however I'm pretty sure that I'll be heading down to attempt to visit with Bine (pronounced 'been-uh') a bit later this evening, but as for anything else, I have no plans.

bis später,

Coriolis