Solid as a Stone

You’d think that somebody who’s already endured the absolute pain and agony of a kidney stone would do anything they could to avoid re-visiting the torture … you’d think… I, myself, had a rather stubborn kidney stone a few years back that actually required extracorporeal shock wave lithotripsy (basically breaking up the stone via shock waves) and you can most definitely believe me when I tell you that I do not want to go through that again. Not so much the lithotripsy (that wasn’t too bad – some bruising and bloody piss for a while) but the stone itself – not fun at all.

I remember rather well how it all started. There was a period where I was getting rather unusual (well, to me at least) pains in my lower abdomen area. It wasn’t really anything too disconcerting; seemed to me like I just had some sort of gas-related issue – nothing that a nice fart wouldn’t take care of. But the discomfort seemed to be rather persistent. It would come in waves – usually at night – and my poorly hatched cure of “cutting the cheese” had less and less effect over time. This continued for a couple months. I couldn’t figure out what was going on and even had Matt (a guy I worked with at the time) pick up some ex-lax for me one morning when I started thinking that it might be constipation. Of course it wasn’t; but after several sleepless nights of tossing and turning in pain, I needed to try something.

Then one day, and I remember this day very vividly, I headed down to Pink E’s for another DPT (Denver Poker Tour) tournament. The tournaments at Pink E’s were losing their popularity a bit and what was once a guaranteed three-table tournament with a substantial wait-list had become more of a hit-and-miss event. It was actually a good thing as it’s much easier to win a certificate in the smaller tournaments – a decrease in the number of fish willing to call your strategically sound bet and draw that miracle suck-out on the river is a good thing. The poker tables weren’t even delivered this evening and we were forced to play on a couple rickety folding tables with some sort of cheap felt-like cloth draped over them. Suffice it to say that the DPT no longer even hosts tournaments at Pink E’s – it’s become one of the many places that I “used” to play at regularly … but I’m getting off the point here a bit…

When I arrived that evening, I was dealing with yet another bout of discomfort. It didn’t seem like anything unusual as I had been experiencing this same thing, time and time again, for the last couple months. I figured it would go away with time – it always had before. I took my seat at Todd’s table and played a bit of poker – poorly… The pain continued to get worse. I was having a very hard time staying focused and rather quickly decided that I needed to get the hell out of there. No problem – getting knocked out of a poker tournament is not a difficult task – a couple suicidal plays later and I was in my car, in what was becoming excruciating pain, heading back to my house.

But where I ended up was not my house. My plans changed as I was driving home writhing in pain. I decided to make a B line straight to the Longmont United Hospital where, after freaking a few people out in the waiting room with a variety of pain induced grimaces, I was finally admitted (to the emergency room – not actually hospitalized) and tended to. They gave me some powerful pain killers, informed me that I most likely had a kidney stone and helped me setup an appointment with a urologist. They also took some kind of fancy X-rays that I would pick up and take to the urologist.

Luckily, I was still employed at Flextronics when all this went down. That meant that I was one of the privileged ones in this country that had medical insurance. Lord knows what that little trip would have cost me if all this happened a bit later when Flextronics Semiconductor was sold and I became responsible for picking up any health insurance I needed – which, for the last couple of years, has been none. And that wasn’t the only hospital bill related to my little calcium deposit nightmare. After visiting with the urologist and finding out that the problem was, in fact, a kidney stone – a rather stubborn stone that seemed to be content lodged near the top of my ureter – it was decided that lithotripsy would be needed in order to expedite the stone’s passage. That procedure was performed at the McKee Medical Center in Loveland shortly thereafter. I really don’t know what I would have done if I had been uninsured…

It was a rough couple of months – something that I most definitely do not want to go through again. Unfortunately I’ve got a bad habit of forgetting important rules that an experience such as this creates for me. One rule that I was supposed to be following was to pay closer attention to what I was putting in my body since the recurrence rate for people who get kidney stones is 70-80% and pretty much the only control you have over this is your diet. The recommendation is to drink a hell of a lot more water and cut back on foods with high oxalate levels (and this list of foods includes quite a few that I am rather fond of…). I was also informed that coffee is very bad when it comes to kidney stones and orange juice is also pretty bad. The apparent healthy diet for a kidney stone sufferer is very bland foods and lots and lots of water.

Now I’ve never been much of a water drinker – I’ve always thought that drinks should at least have taste. That being said, I’m rather sure that my water intake has been far less than sufficient. Although lately I have been drinking quite a few liquids – mainly coffee (I probably have five or six cups a day at work) and fruit juices (all of which contain large percentages of orange juice). This can’t be good. I do have a beer or two on a regular basis as well and – wouldn’t you know it? – beer is also listed as bad when it comes to stones. Now the problem with all this is that I’m beginning to think that I might have another stone…

I’ve been experiencing somewhat mild discomfort in my lower abdomen lately that seems to be pretty much identical to the discomforts I experienced at the beginning of this story. It’s been a few years since my last (and first) stone however my current discomfort is bringing back those memories rather vividly. Something tells me that taking this job with its included health insurance might have been a good thing. I better start researching the locations for some hospitals around here… This could become rather interesting … wish me luck.

bis später,

Coriolis

I'm Sorry ... You Are???

Here’s an interesting tidbit of information: Several studies have shown a direct correlation between smoking and decreased performance in memory (specifically with names and faces) as well as verbal memory. And I’m not talking about smoking ganja here – tobacco has this negative effect as well. I guess that explains quite a bit about me … and here I thought that it might have been that closed head injury I went through. Guess not…

But wait – I seem to recall not being able to remember names and faces since long before I started smoking. Here’s a thought: Maybe poor memory (specifically with names and faces) somehow leads to smoking. Sure, why not? It’s a viable argument. Whenever there’s a social gathering of some sort, the guy that is constantly confronted with the awkward situation of not being able to remember people’s names time and time again decides, “Fuck it! I need a smoke…”

I can see it now, the new ad campaign for cigarettes – “You’re invited to a party with several of your not-so-close friends – the one’s you’ve met (often times on several occasions) but never actually ‘hung out’ with. They approach you, one by one, and greet you by name. After enduring the non-stop torture of coming up with generic labels to respond with – ‘hey buddy’ … ‘how’s it going, my man’ … ‘what up, cuz’ – you begin to break down. Fuck it! Let the calming effects of {insert brand name} cigarettes take you away…”

Of course, these days, you get the added benefit of being left alone as well. You’ll have to go outside (smoking inside any building – public or private – has most definitely gone the way of the dinosaurs) and you can bet that very few will be joining you on your trip. Those that do, or those that have already gathered outside, won’t be a problem either as there’s a good chance they’re in the same boat. You can expect a few minutes of exclusively nameless small-talk before having to return to the named. I call this time “my little peace”…

So maybe the way to quit smoking is to work on improving your memory. We don’t need any gums or patches – those don’t give you the advantages of “my little peace” – what we need are easily accomplishable memory exercises. We need to learn simple techniques that can improve our name and face recognition. It would also be nice if these routines were easily obtainable – perhaps in packs of 20… Ahh, fuck it … I need a smoke…

bis später,

Coriolis

Game On

The Colorado Avalanche will be traveling down to “the pond” Wednesday to play a game against the Anaheim Mighty Ducks. The cool part about this is that I will be there. When I got into work this morning (late, mind you … I do believe that whatever ailment I’ve been suffering through the last few weeks is on its last legs – I just need to get my strength back…) one of my fellow workmates informed me that he had an extra ticket and was nice enough to let me in on the festivities. So I guess I’ll be going to a hockey game Wednesday evening – that’s cool…

Now granted, a huge sports fan I am not; however I must admit that I actually do enjoy heading out to a hockey game now and then. I always try to hit one of the Colorado/Detroit games during the playoffs – the rivalry seems to add to the audience’s excitement level – although it’s beginning to look like the Avs may not even make it to the playoffs this year. Besides, I’m basically living in California now and getting back to Denver for a hockey game ain’t gonna be happening. So I get to watch Colorado take on Anaheim at “the pond” instead – as I’ve said, that’s cool…

Funny thing is, I don’t even know the name of the guy that invited me. Now I “should” most definitely know his name – hell, I’ve been working here since last October – but names and I never have really gotten along. It amazes me at how quickly I can forget somebody’s name – I think the span needs to be measured in nanoseconds (picoseconds if the planets aren’t in the correct alignment…). See, that’s what smoking all that weed’s done to my brain. Any kids out there reading this, take that as a warning – sure, it’s fun and everything, but memory is often a nice thing to have … if I remember correctly…

Anyway, if you happen to be catching the game on television, keep an eye out for me in the stands. I’ll be the one wearing the Avalanche cap…

bis später,

Coriolis

A Special Gift

So tomorrow’s Valentine’s Day. Oh boy… Once again I get to spend it alone. I’m not going to lie to you and say that I’m happy about this – oh, on the contrary, it would be nice to actually have somebody that would get upset if I didn’t waste my money on some basically meaningless gesture but it’s been a long time since a person such as this has existed. Maybe I’ll go out and buy myself a card. Nah… Fuck it, why waste the money…? I think I’ll just treat it as any other day. After all, that IS what it is – just one more day closer to death.

But am I really that jaded? Yep! That’s me – the Grinch of Valentine’s Day. Hmm … perhaps that’s why there’s nobody expecting to receive anything from me… Woe, there’s some insight.

Don’t worry though; I didn’t come here today to vent my anger at this current Hallmark Holiday. To be honest, I don’t really know what I’m going to write about this time. I am, however, going to write. Who knows? Maybe it’ll be interesting … I doubt it, but maybe…

Here’s something that I don’t quite understand: What’s with all this talk about the Senate passing a “spy bill and phone immunity”? So, if I get this correctly, our immaculate monkey of a president decided to execute a warrantless eavesdropping program on the citizens of this country. Now, since the cat is out of the bag and this blatantly illegal action has become public knowledge, Congress (currently controlled by a Democratic majority) is trying to give retroactive immunity to the telecommunication companies that willingly took part in this campaign. I’m a bit torn on how I should feel about this…

Okay, so it’s obvious that the true criminal here is Georgey – apparently god had a personal discussion with him that led him to believe that the laws of this nation were invalid after 9/11; but shouldn’t the executives of these telecommunications firms have smelled a rat when it was requested that they forfeit customer information that used to be categorized as confidential? Or was this done as a strong-arm tactic by the White House? Were these firms somehow led to believe that, by not cooperating in this witch hunt, they were somehow going to feel the wrath of our government? If this is the case, then shouldn’t we be going after Bush with a little more vigor? I’m not very excited to learn that our government is no more than a mafia…

Or did these companies willingly release this information without a threat? If this is the case then why do they deserve immunity? They broke the law. Perhaps holding them responsible for their actions might actually prevent laws from being so easily disregarded in the future. Hell, I know if I broke a law that jeopardized millions of American’s privacy, Congress wouldn’t be wasting time deciding whether or not I deserved immunity. Don’t they have more important business to deal with? Isn’t the recession or something silly like the war a bit more important than bailing Bush out? And these are Democrats! I thought they wanted to see Bush go down in flames…

Hey, if the House is quick enough, maybe they can pass this bill along to the true criminal written up on a heart-shaped piece of paper for Georgey to sign tomorrow. I hope they don’t forget to include a box of chocolates as well…

bis später,

Coriolis

A Taxing Situation

Taxes, taxes, taxes… So much fun…

Seems like the government loves to make it as difficult as possible for a person to make any actual money in this country. Or, to put it more precisely, keep any of the money they’ve actually earned. This really bugs me. Now I’m sure that I’m not the only one that is bothered by this; however my rather interesting tax situation from last year is most definitely bringing to light certain scenarios that many people never have to wrestle with. If you want to feel better about your 2007 taxes, check out the crap I’m currently trying to deal with…

For starters, it’s a pretty well known fact that you should probably get a professional to prepare your taxes for you if you have any difficult circumstances to deal with (i.e. you actually want to keep the money that you’ve earned and you’ve evolved beyond the standard 1040EZ form). Heck, the best thing about this is that you’re allowed to take any fees charged for your tax preparation as a deduction. Not only do you get to pass the blame to somebody else if, heaven forbid, you’re lucky enough to be chosen for an audit; you get to lower your taxable income by the amount this poor scapegoat in waiting charges you. It’s basically a double-win for you, the customer. Unfortunately, for me, this isn’t a possibility…

You see, last year (the first year that I actually earned money in Germany – a foreign country, mind you…) I quickly discovered that finding a professional that would be willing to prepare my taxes was next to impossible. Oh I tried … believe me, I tried; however, without fail, as soon as I informed my perspective tax guru that I was living in Germany, earning money in Germany (through a rather elaborate network of tax shelters and third party interests) but needing to file my taxes as a Colorado resident – legally (or at least as close to legal as possible) – all bets were off. I found one accountant that seemed willing to take my case; unfortunately I needed to drop her after the only “useful” information I got from her was that I wasn’t eligible for the “foreign earned income exclusion” – this I already knew. She even attempted to charge me for “research completed” after I informed her that I would not be purchasing her services. It took a few emails explaining the difference between pre-sales activities and chargeable line items before she decided to drop the charges.

So I’m in the enviable position of having a rather complicated tax return to prepare as well as being forced to prepare it myself. Of course these days, with the sophisticated tax preparation software available, this shouldn’t be too much of an issue, right? Well, perhaps… I did it last year with TurboTax (I’ve actually used TurboTax since 2003) and am currently in the process of completing my 2007 return with the same software. What I’m now wondering is whether what I am doing will give me the best results for my return and, much more to the point, whether or not I’m inadvertently breaking any laws. I’m not trying to; however I’m pretty sure that ignorance is not a valid defense when the IRS decides to come after you…

I think last year’s return was correct. There’s a pretty good possibility that it was even legal. This year, however, is proving to be a bit more complicated. The first complication is that I received a rather large sum of money after returning home from Germany last year. This came from some securities that were being held for me by an institution that was handling my foreign income. You see a portion of my salary was paid to me directly in Germany whilst the remainder was diverted to a trust fund (basically an offshore account) in an effort to minimize my taxable income in Germany. The idea behind this (and, believe it or not, this is all legal – or so I was told…) is that the income placed in the trust fund could be transferred to me after returning home 100% tax free and the income seen by the German authorities would be less which would result in a smaller German tax bill. Great plan, huh? Unfortunately, in order for the tax free transfer to work, I needed to be able to qualify for the “foreign earned income exclusion” in the states. This requires that you pass either the “bona fide residence test” or the “physical presence test”. I, unfortunately, fail both tests. The result of which is that this rather decent sized sum of money – that I was hoping to obtain tax free – ends up being 100% taxable by the IRS. It’s merely seen as a bonus pay and treated just like standard income. Oh well, no big deal, I’m just going to have to make sure that it is reported as such…

Another interesting twist on my taxes this year has to do with the job I took after returning to the states. Sure, it’s a job in the U.S.; unfortunately it’s a job in California. Not a problem by itself, but my primary residence is in Colorado. So, not only do I get to wrestle with income from a foreign country, I also get the excitement of trying to figure out a multi-state tax return.

Oh well, I am where I am. I’m currently trying to figure out how not to get taxed twice for the German income (by Germany and by the state of Colorado) although I have a few ideas on how it’s supposed to be done. I’m positive that I’m going to be paying multiple thousands of dollars for my federal taxes although that’s no surprise. I just wonder how much Germany is going to be requesting – I need to get my U.S. taxable income to my new German accountant by the end of this week and I won’t really have that until I’m done with my U.S. returns. Hell, if I get all this done correctly, they should give me an honorary degree in accounting. The “professionals” wouldn’t even take this case…

bis später,

Coriolis