I headed back to Amsterdam over the weekend. Unlike my previous trips (Trip 1 [A][B][C][D], Trip 2 [A][B][C], Trip 3 [A][B][C]), I decided not to visit with any prostitutes. You read that right – I did not purchase any sex. I was most definitely planning to – even brought the Viagra with me – but the way things turned out, I didn’t… I’ve come to realize that sex for the sake of sex just isn’t much fun (at least not for me, anymore) and actually paying somebody for the opportunity to not have any fun with them is asinine.Not to mention that the whole “red light district” scene is getting old. Yeah, it was interesting when it was all new to me; however I’ve now spent many many hours in Amsterdam’s red light district and can now see what it really is – completely from first-hand experience, mind you... The best way that I can describe it would be to call it an adult-oriented Disney Land. There are plenty shows to see (sex shows, mainly), rides to ride (prostitutes) and foods to eat. The thing is that Disney Land even stops being fun if you go there too often.
So what, you might be wondering, was I doing in Amsterdam then? Well, that’s a darn good question. I really don’t know… I was pretty much there because “that’s where I go” every month or so. As I’m sure I’ve already mentioned, this “traveling by myself” thing isn’t working very well for me – I usually end up wasting way too much money and have little to no actual fun. I always figured that Amsterdam was the exception in that it was a place that I could pretty much guarantee myself some fun whether I’m traveling with someone or, as is usually the case, alone. I’m now beginning to wonder if I can even remember what “fun” is…
I did create a video while I was there. It’s nothing fancy or anything – just me chatting with myself and the camera whilst sitting in my hotel room a couple hours after eating a box of Philosopher Stones (a.k.a. Truffles – a shroom variety). Maybe I’ll post this thing somewhere and share it with you – with today’s technology it shouldn’t be too hard – however I really don’t know how interested people would be in seeing it. I mean, to sum it up, it’s really nothing more than me beating myself up about being the loser that I am.
Here it is:
So I guess that’s why I was in Amsterdam over the weekend – to make a video of myself emotionally beating myself up. That can’t be healthy… I don’t know – have I lost the ability to enjoy life? It seems to me that I’ve run out of things to look forward to. I’m looking forward to heading home for the holidays but then what? I’ll be returning back to Germany to finish my work and after the contract’s done heading back to Colorado to resume my “life as normal”… My life has turned into nothing more than an endless series of nothing. I exist for the sure purpose of existing…
Oh well, I really don’t have much else to say right now. Maybe I’ll head home this evening and start working on converting the video into a format that’s easier to post. Yeah … at least that’ll give me something to do… now done...
bis später,
Coriolis
