Money for Nothing

I’m driving down the 101 in the Pussy Wagon this morning – heading for work – and this limousine pulls up next to me. Nothing strange here … there are a lot of rich people living in southern California; the weirdness begins when I notice that the driver is signaling for me to pull over.

Now pulling over just because some complete stranger tells you to is not something that I would recommend doing. It also is not something that I would usually do myself. Having the driver of a stretch limo request that I pull over was just a bit too intriguing for me to pass up and, being that it was the middle of the morning rush hour – lots of potential witnesses – I pulled over…

The limousine pulled over as well and ended up stopping a few yards in front of me. It was then I was expecting the driver to get out and perhaps inform me why he so urgently wanted to talk to me – this never happened. Instead, the rear door of the car opened and this dude hopped out and began walking toward the Pussy Wagon. I had absolutely no idea what this guy wanted but I would soon find out … and anybody reading this is not going to believe it…

I decided to step out of my car since the driver side window no longer functions in the Pussy Wagon – this way I would be able to speak with this guy and try to figure out what he wanted. His name was Απριλίου Ανόητος – according to his business card; but he introduced himself as Andy. I think he was Grecian … whatever his nationality was, one thing would soon be made perfectly clear to me – he was rich. He was also completely out of his mind!

Why I say this is because you’d have to be crazy to do what he did. He apparently used to own a Corolla – exactly like mine – back in the early 90’s. This was before he “made it big” and, for some strange reason, he loved that car. Something about the car being such a “piece of shit” (his words here…) that it drove him to make something of his life and was basically the inspiration to his current successful position today. He claimed that he wished he never would have traded the car in. Something about needing to keep your inspirations close – kind of like those people that keep the first dollar they earn framed and displayed in their business … I don’t know, maybe it’s a Greek thing…

Whatever the reason (I really couldn’t care less), he informed me that he was interested in purchasing my car right there and right then. There I was, on the side of the 101, chatting with a very strange cat about selling him the Pussy Wagon. Who’d a figured that? I was basically waiting for someone to pop out of the limo with a hidden camera telling me that I was on one of those annoying shows; but it never happened. Andy just asked me how much I wanted for the car.

Now anybody that’s been reading this blog is already well aware of what a piece of crap the Pussy Wagon is and I wasn’t about to attempt to screw this guy over. I believe I mentioned that Andy was a bit crazy earlier, and the severity of his madness will soon be realized. I told him all the issues that the Pussy Wagon had – the inoperable trunk latch, driver side window and lock; the whine often heard coming from the timing belt; the extreme lack of power and even the recommended “Super Major Service” that was needed – but he didn’t care. He just sat there waving off my concerns and asking me, again and again, how much I wanted for it. I said, as a complete joke mind you, “Ten grand.” His response to this was grabbing my hand, shaking it vigorously and saying, “Deal.”

It was then that I said I couldn’t sell him my car – I needed to get to work. His response to this was that I could have his car – and he was serious! He walked back to his limo, took out his briefcase and a few other items and returned back to me along with his driver. He then opened his briefcase, wrote me a check for $10,000, signed the registration for the limousine over to me and said that he and his driver would just continue on in the Corolla. I then quickly signed the Pussy Wagon’s registration over to this dude, took the check and drove away in my newly acquired Cadillac Deville stretch.

I wonder if this check’s any good…?

bis später,

Coriolis