My Southern Bell

Let me be the first to apologize to my readers for basically not posting much of anything as of late. There’s really no reason for this other than the fact that I don’t seem to have much to say – that and the fact that my bruised butt-bone (coccyx, tailbone, whatever…) doesn’t seem to want to heal itself which makes sitting for any extended period a bit of a choir…

There is, however, one story from my past that has recently decided to emerge from the depths of my mind. I really couldn’t tell you how this story was referenced (the mind works in mysterious ways…) but I thought I would share it with you. Perhaps some of you might find this interesting … this story’s about Elizabeth.

Once again, I take you back to my college years – August, 1991 to be exact. I remember the date very well as it was a couple weeks prior to my 21st birthday – the significance of which will become clear enough later in this story. It was just one more of those typical summer evenings where I had pretty much nothing to do and decided to waste a bit of time by logging on to this multi-line BBS (Bulletin Board System – the old form of computer communications prior to the Internet). I really had no agenda planned – I just thought I’d see if anyone was interested in a bit of a chat…

Now I was already aware of the risks involved with chats such as these – you never can believe what people tell you and meeting strangers that you chatted with on a multi-line BBS ends up being no better than an actual “blind” date. I knew this as I had made that mistake a few times in the past. I would explain more about the bad meetings however I have done my best to forget those. Suffice it to say that people are rarely who they claim to be in an anonymous forum…

This night, however, I was bored. I actually wasn’t expecting to meet anybody and just logged on for “shits and grins”. It’s always interesting, however, when the unexpected happens. When I logged in to the BBS, I quickly noticed a user that I had chatted with before. I don’t remember what we chatted about on earlier chats, although I was under the impression that this user was a lady (you never really “know” in these situations). Other than that, I knew nothing.

We once again began chatting (typing, of course … it was 1991…) and she quickly asked me if I would be interested in taking her daughter-in-law out on a date – seems that her daughter-in-law (Elizabeth) was in town visiting from South Carolina for a few days and was apparently a bit bored. If I remember correctly, it was a Thursday evening. I needed to head down to my fraternity’s National Conference (which was conveniently being held in the Detroit area) the next day but made arrangements to stop by afterward and take Elizabeth out for dinner. The way I figured it was that it would just be a dinner and I’m enough of a gentleman to be able to take pretty much any lady to dinner – I could always get away easily enough afterward if need-be…

So I put on a suit and tie and headed down to the National Conference. I remember absolutely nothing of this conference (I’m sure it was just more of the same – I had been to a few conferences earlier) but distinctly remember driving over to pick up Elizabeth afterward. I was dressed, as mentioned, in suit and tie and figured that this might be to my advantage. The conference actually gave me a valid reason for dressing up so I really didn’t need to worry about my first impression – I looked good… I approached the house and knocked. The door was quickly answered by a large man – the father. Ends up that Elizabeth’s father just happened to be an ex-marine. He was a nice enough guy though and invited me in to wait for Elizabeth to finish preparing. I was sitting there speaking with her father when Elizabeth finally entered the room. To say that I was a bit surprised would be a huge understatement of the situation. Here I was, chatting with the father and basically expecting what was sure to be a beast to be presented (from previous experiences, not from the father…) when Elizabeth – drop-dead gorgeous in my eyes – gets presented. This might be interesting…

We actually hit it off rather well … I remember asking her to marry me – jokingly, of course – whilst driving her to Applebee’s (if memory serves me correctly) and she actually said, “yes.” Now I don’t claim to be anything even remotely close to an expert when it comes to the whole dating scene; however I took this as a good sign. And rightly so – we had a wonderful evening together. I was even able to order and receive a Tom Collins (my drink of choice at the time) even after showing my ID (if you recall from earlier, it was a couple weeks before I was actually 21 – either our waiter wasn’t very good with math or he just let me slide … either way, it was cool at the time…).

I mean Elizabeth was a “dream come true” for me. She was cute as a button, very well mannered and well spoken (with this cute little southern twang that usually annoys me to no end, but coming from Elizabeth made the idiosyncrasy extremely cute…). Not only that, but she was also a sexual dynamo – this I would discover upon returning to my room at the frat house…

As I am sure all of you reading my blog are already aware, a Casanova I am not. In fact I’ll bet if you look up Casanova in a thesaurus, Coriolis will be listed as an antonym – I’m most definitely not good when it comes to women… This being the case, I expected to end this evening with what I would have considered a normal ending to a first date – we’d go back to my room, turn on some music, talk a bit and maybe play a little tonsil hockey. I would then drive her home, perhaps kiss her goodnight and hopefully see her again the next day (she was only going to be in town for a couple more days before returning home to South Carolina … I didn’t have much time…). Elizabeth, on the other hand, had her own agenda. Once we returned to my room, I put on some tunes and sat down on the loveseat. Elizabeth then basically jumped my bones!

I wasn’t even about to argue and soon discovered that Elizabeth’s agenda was much more fun than mine. We ended up having sex – and not your average run-of-the-mill quickie either, we were both very much into it and I really must say that she is still considered by me to be the best yet…

I picked her up again on Saturday and we spent the day together. For some reason, I headed over to my parent’s house – Elizabeth came with. I remember her basically attacking me again on my parent’s couch when the room was empty. We then headed out, played a round of putt-putt and I got a bucket of balls to drive. Elizabeth just sat there and watched as I went through the bucket – never complaining of being bored. Afterward, we headed back to my room at the frat house and had some more sex. What can I say? She was the perfect girl.

Things changed a bit on Sunday. Upon calling Elizabeth, the phone was answered by her father (the ex-marine, mind you). The first thing that he asked me was whether I knew how old his daughter was. Well, I actually didn’t – it never came up in the conversations – so I told him that I did not. This was when I found out that Elizabeth was 17! Oops, my bad … although I am pretty sure that 17 is the “age of consent” in Michigan – this piece of information meant nothing to her father. He basically went on this rampage about getting me arrested for statutory rape and inquired what my parents would think of my actions. I offered to call them up and tell them as I was sure that my parents would agree that I didn’t do anything wrong; however Elizabeth’s dad wasn’t having any of that. He basically told me never to contact Elizabeth again… And that was the end of that.

Well, kind of … Elizabeth actually called me a bit later that day, completely unaware of the conversation I had with her father earlier. I explained to her what had happened and basically bid her farewell – she was moving back to South Carolina the next day and I was positive that I wouldn’t be seeing her again. That’s just one of the many things that I wish I could have changed but was never able to – I never have seen her since…

We actually kept in touch for a short period of time, however I don’t need to go into the details as to why this long-distance romance didn’t pan out. We talked on the phone a bit and exchanged a few letters (all of which I still actually have – I just recently found them again before heading out to Germany) but nothing that good ever lasts for me. I guess it’s been 15½ years since I last spoke with Elizabeth. I hope she’s doing well…

Oh well, that’s about all my sore little butt can handle today; so I am going to once again bid you adieu. Perhaps stories like these might better explain my current position in life. Some guys have good luck with the women, I don’t. It sure was a wonderful couple of days though…

bis später,

Coriolis