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It appears as though I have survived the onslaught of activity that has recently invaded my world … well, the most recent round. I’m back in California with a newly renewed registration for Precious and a bit less money thanks to my two stops in Vegas. My company has moved to our new office (adding somewhere around 8 miles to my one-way commute) and life continues to trudge forward. Where, exactly, it’s lumbering toward is a complete unknown…

Lately it’s become rather obvious to me that I really don’t have any solid goals that I am trying to meet. Apart from the standard survival routine, there’s really nothing that I am striving to accomplish. Yeah, there are quite a few things that I would “like” to achieve – self-sufficient wealth and the removal of the “need” to work for a living would be nice – however it’s recently come to my attention that I’m not actually pursuing much of anything. And the funny thing is that it really doesn’t bother me much…

I remember – vaguely – an earlier version of myself that was going to be something. I was going to be successful, rich and favorably acknowledged in my community. I suppose my current condition is merely a result of this younger me never actually spending the time and resources to develop and implement a plan for achieving this; however it just seems so obvious to me now that, at my age, I am where I am … it seems like the risk associated with changing the status quo just isn’t worth it. I guess I need to learn how to extract the most pleasure from whatever activities I get involved in and try to make this routine a bit more interesting.

Or maybe it’s exactly the opposite. Perhaps I did come up with a plan on an earlier date that I have completed. Is it possible that my plan was flawed and the expected results where, in reality, a bit exaggerated…? It seems to me that I have pretty much accomplished all of the realistic goals that I had set for myself however my mansion and Lamborghini are still noticeably absent. Maybe the materialistic “high life” that this capitalistic society programs each of us to strive for just isn’t obtainable … at least not by me. The strangest thing is that I really don’t care…

I now realize that, if I had my mansion and Lamborghini, all that would mean is that I would have more crap that I would need to deal with. That’s basically what everything is – more crap to deal with. But is that all life is … dealing with crap…? I sure hope not. There’s got to be something more…

Sex??? Is that it? If you think about it, a hell of a lot of this need for things is no more than a by-product of the quest for a mate. I believe it’s a widely held view (at least in male minds) that the quickest way to a score is to impress with excess. It’s bullshit, but when has that ever stopped us? Let’s also not forget about the morons that are convinced to kill themselves for the outlandish promise of sex with a few dozen virgins. So is that what “it’s” all about, sex?

Hell, I don’t know… And that is basically all I know – I don’t know. I suppose all that anybody can do is decide what is important to him and consciously strive to accomplish it. Happiness comes in small doses and believing otherwise seems to me misguided. Love those that will let you and try not to get overwhelmed by those that won’t. Find that special something and hold onto it for dear life. Try not to get caught up with worrying where your life is headed – just sit back and enjoy the ride. Nobody comes out of this alive…

bis später,

Coriolis