Lone Soul

Well folks, life is continuing to trudge forward. The last couple of months have been very trying for me and the end results are that I now have a housemate, I’m still heading through life as a lone soul and, once again, I am going to be living elsewhere for an unknown amount of time in order to “make a living”. Same ole, same ole…

The housemate thing is rather interesting. My buddy Todd has moved into my spare room. I’m not going to get into the details on exactly why, but a couple weeks ago he found himself in a position where he was considering moving back to Illinois if he couldn’t find a place to crash around here. I got the call at 2:00 in the morning. I told him, of course, that he was more than welcome to move into my house – I have a spare bedroom and bathroom that he could use. After all, Todd’s a good guy and if we’re not ready and willing to help out a friend in need then what, exactly, is this world coming to? I’m more than happy to give up some personal freedom to help out a friend…

And yes, I am well aware of the stories about friends living together causing nothing but trouble. Perhaps this will end up being another one of those; but isn’t that what life’s all about? Sometimes you just need to roll the dice and see where they land. I think that not knowing the final outcome is what makes life interesting. A mundane existence of predetermined outcomes seems a bit pointless to me; and besides, as I said earlier, Todd’s a good guy and I do believe that the new living situation will be beneficial to us both. I guess only time will tell…

As for the “lone soul” thing, the last few months have been tough. Once again, I let myself fall for a woman and, once again, I did a rather spectacular job of fucking everything up. It’s one of those “if you don’t learn from your mistakes then you are destined to repeat them” stories that I am still too annihilated by to discuss details on. Bear in mind that this is, by no means, a common occurrence for me – I would estimate that it’s been at least 15 years since any woman has interested me enough to get me to even make a play for – and I am now in full understanding of the reason. Denial hurts … denial caused by one’s own ignorance and stupidity devastates!

Yeah, I know … I should “be a man” and get over it. You’re right, I should. Unfortunately I know myself a bit too well and am well aware that this sting’s going to be around for quite some time. Does it make sense? No! Hell, truth be told, I hardly even knew her… She was merely another of the countless people that one encounters randomly throughout one’s life and, to be honest, I can’t even rationally explain the attraction. Whatever it was, it sure as hell was powerful…

So here I am, once again, confronted with the reality that I am destined to live out the remainder of my years without the only real thing that I need – love. I guess I’m just a hopeless romantic devoid of the skills required to do anything about it. Maybe I’ll be able to hone my skills in this area before the next encounter – of course I’ll be 52 then…

The good news about the last couple of months is that I was finally able to land a job. I was trying to get a job close to home; however, for me, things never end up that ideally. Next Sunday I will once again be boarding a plane. This plane will then fly me to Los Angeles where I will need to find a way to get to my new home in Thousand Oaks – I don’t know … taxi, perhaps? You see, that’s where the job is – Thousand Oaks, California.

What this means, of course, is that I am going on another little adventure. It’s not overseas this time, but it’s definitely not “around the block” from my house. It IS, however, another place that I have not yet been and an opportunity to explore some new territory. I’m not sure how long I will be there but am currently expecting it to be no less than 3 months – quite longer, actually… From what I hear about the cost of living around there (and it’s high – I am already feeling the pain by seeing what my furnished apartment is going to be costing) I wonder how long I’ll be able to survive… Oh well, maybe these new frustrations will help me to get over my devastation a bit quicker. Also, I’ve heard that the population density is quite high in southern California – plenty of opportunities for random encounters…

bis später,

Coriolis